I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
