also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
