I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
