I will die if light touches me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
