I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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