I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
