i think my tv is drunk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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