So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
