Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
