never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
