real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
