i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
