I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
