too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
