even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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