Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
