then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
