I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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