she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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