Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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