im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just gargled with NyQuil
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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