she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
