I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
