somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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