Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You have to summon your inner elephant
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
