well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
