Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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