I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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