she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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