just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
