biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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