My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
