So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was born a porn star she said
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
