My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
