My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
