onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
