I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
