I wanna bring you to show and tell
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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