Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
