Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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