found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
