I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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