her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
