I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
