Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
