Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
