I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
