It's Friday. Sex?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
