OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is Oprah even human
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
