Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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